We’ve all been there—facing a conversation we’d rather avoid, knowing it’s going to be uncomfortable, but also knowing it needs to happen. Recently, I’ve found myself in conversations about why so many people shy away from these tough discussions. Whether it’s with family, friends, or colleagues, hard conversations are, well, hard. But as I’ve learned, they’re also necessary for growth, understanding, and, ultimately, stronger relationships.

In my latest episode of Coffee and Tea with CarrieVee, I dive into the nitty-gritty of why we tend to avoid these difficult conversations and, more importantly, how we can navigate them successfully. Let me share some of my key takeaways and personal thoughts on this essential life skill.

Why Are Hard Conversations So Difficult?

One of the biggest reasons we avoid hard conversations is the fear of conflict. Many people believe they have to come to some sort of agreement at the end of it, and that pressure can make the entire conversation feel like a battleground. But here’s the thing: it’s okay to walk away from these talks without reaching a full agreement. What’s important is that both sides are heard and respected.

"Success, everything amazing, is on the other side of this 10-second conversation that nobody wants to have."

When we avoid these conversations, the underlying issues don’t go away. Instead, they build up, creating tension that can lead to bigger problems later on. So, instead of putting it off, we need to tackle these discussions head-on—with a little preparation, of course.

Strategies for Tackling Tough Conversations

Once you’re ready to face the hard talk, there are a few key strategies that can help make the process smoother. Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Get in the room: Start by asking the other person if they’re willing to have a conversation. Make it clear that the goal is to bridge gaps, not fight.

2. Keep your gloves on: I use this metaphor to remind myself and others that you’re not going into battle. You’re going into this conversation to listen, learn, and share—not to win an argument.

Tune into [10:25]: "Stick to the facts. Don’t exaggerate it. We don’t need the word 'always' in there. You always do this. No one always does anything." This tip helps keep the conversation grounded and calm, focusing on what really matters.

3. Active listening: One of the most effective ways to ensure a healthy dialogue is to actively listen. Instead of thinking about your rebuttal, really focus on what the other person is saying. Try repeating back their words to ensure you’re understanding them correctly.

Tune into [17:42]: "I believe this is what I heard you say. Is this what you’re saying?" This technique helps prevent misunderstandings and keeps the conversation on track.

4. Stay calm: Emotions can run high during difficult discussions, but staying calm can prevent escalation. You have the power to keep things civil, even if the other person gets heated.

Why Having These Conversations Matters

When we avoid hard conversations, the problems don’t disappear—they fester. Over time, this can lead to fractures in our relationships. I see this all the time in families, friendships, and even at work. The issues that aren’t addressed pile up, and eventually, they erupt in emotional outbursts or resentment.

But by approaching these tough talks with the right mindset and tools, you can avoid those emotional explosions. Instead, you’re creating space for understanding and growth, even if you don’t agree on everything.

In the podcast, I mention how essential it is to move forward, even without full agreement.

"It means being able to move forward without coming to an agreement, but still valuing and loving the other person."

Vulnerability Builds Connection

One of the most powerful things I’ve learned about communication is that vulnerability creates connection. When we’re honest and open about our feelings, we allow others to see us as we are—human, imperfect, and real. Hard conversations require vulnerability, but that’s what makes them so impactful.

As I said on the podcast, "The difficult conversations are important. Don’t avoid them. Embrace them."

At the end of the day, having tough conversations is an essential part of personal growth and strengthening our relationships. By using strategies like staying calm, listening actively, and focusing on facts, we can approach these discussions with confidence and openness. Remember, the goal isn’t always to agree—it’s to understand, respect, and learn from one another.

LISTEN TO THE EPISODE