Overcoming Obstacles with Cristian Najera-Cruz

I had the pleasure of chatting with a delightful young man, who has spent a little bit of time with us as we've been having family in our house. Cristian is going to share things that he he knows will help you as you navigate trials and things that come into your life. And by the way, this remarkable young man is 19 years old. He has the he has the mind of someone much older and everything he's been through.

I asked Cristian a series of questions:

What is the most important lesson you've learned in your life?

The biggest lesson I've learned is never take anything you have for granted. Growing up my dad, who does drywall work, he's always going to work practically every single day, he only has Sundays off and when he is off. I would ask him as a kid, “do you want to do something you want to play?” “Do you want to, you know, do anything, it's like, “I can't start right now I'm too tired.” I always just brushed it off. So I never really had any time to spend with my dad. I mainly just kind of had to look up to my old two older brothers, which I always look for for guidance. I always will love my dad. But there was never any personal connection there. It was kind of just like, “I'm supposed to love him.” I know, he takes care of us. And that was about it. There was no, you know, mutual respect for one another. So this one day, I told my dad, “I want an Xbox so I can play with my friends. And he's like, Well, I'm not gonna pay for it if you want to, if you want an Xbox better work for it.” So me as being a 13 year old, I was like, You know what? Fine, why? Why not? I mean, I really want this. And he's like, Oh, why don't you just come to work with me. So I go to work with him on the first day. I don't know anything about any drywall, I just walk into a construction site, just this 13 year old kid with all these other people who know exactly what they're doing. They work really quick. They don't complain. Everything's done. And everybody's moving in. And I'm just kind of sitting there kind of lost. I see my dad have a pick up these huge drywall pieces. He puts them on the ceiling and he puts them on the wall. He doesn't complain and he doesn't stop either. He just keeps on going. I never realized that's that's what he does. I tried to pick it up and I couldn't I was just so I was like, “this is way too heavy.” And he would since I was it was my first day he would just be like, Oh, just you know, take out any piece of trash that you see. Just doing that on its own was just extremely hard on my back on my legs and just my whole body was just destroyed after just one day of just doing the bare minimum just a fraction of what he does. I just sat there in the van for a little bit took a little break and I was like, wow, that's what he does every single day consistently without complaint. He comes home. He looks tired a little but he never complains. He's never asked for a massage or anything. He just kind of, you know, takes it all in and that's about it. He goes into it takes a shower and goes to sleep. And he always has to wake up super early in the morning, four in the morning, three in the morning even. And ever since that day. I've just kind of looked at my father differently.

So back then like I said, I wouldn't really have that mutual connection with him. But ever since then I always, respected him a lot more. Every time he came home, I would always ask how work is and if he needs anything, just like any way to just make his day a little better. I was still go to work with them after that. I learned a lot of lessons over there, too, since everybody he worked with was they were all older than me. I was the youngest one. But they would all anytime I would ask for help, they would always be super helpful. It was just a part of one of the most important experiences that made me who I am today is going through that whole process going to work with my dad doing back breaking work. I could barely do it for a summer. And he does it every single day before I was even born, which is crazy to me. And from then on once I did finally get enough money to buy an Xbox.

I cherished and loved that Xbox like it was the best creation in the whole world. I took care of it. I always made sure it was clean. I know, nobody touched it. Nobody touched my Xbox, and I just sat there. And it was my prized possession every day, I would use it. And it was such an amazing feeling once you finally get that feeling of satisfaction, and gratitude towards something that you really worked for. It was just a small clip. But it was probably the first thing that I ever worked for in my life. Every time now that I see my dad coming to work, so he still does the same thing now even as his own business. But every time I see him come home from work, I always tell him, Hey, how was work, Is everything alright? Everything's good.

I just have this this much bigger appreciation for him. Like there have been times when he comes home very late. My two older brothers and my mom and I and anybody else who's in the house, he usually gets home maybe around 8pm 7pm. And we've already eaten, we're already done eating dinner, and he just gets home super tired, and he usually eats alone. And a lot of the time, I would kind of just sit upstairs, play my Xbox, and you know, do my thing. And then sometimes maybe I go use the bathroom, like late at night, and I see him just in the living room by watching TV and eating dinner all by himself. And then I just sit there and stare I'm like, day, and I could be done that could be with them, I couldn't do something more. And I always get that sort of sense of guilt. It was just kind of like out of my own, you know, well, I guess and I would see him sitting down there. And I would just get sad. And I was just like, You know what, I should probably go sit down there and hang out with him. And just kind of talk about anything that we need to talk about, I could definitely tell that there's been a mood change ever since I started to make that a priority.

So anytime, a lot of the time when he would come home from work, he'd be quiet, he'd be, you know, if I'd asked him how his day was, it was good. It was alright. And after, they wouldn't say much, he just, go take a shower. And that was that. And we didn't really have that much communication. But now when he comes home, I could see that he's a lot happier. And he's a lot more excited to come home. And we all sit down and we talk about you know, whatever's going on in my life. I'm doing this now I finally got this job. He's super excited. He's always a lot more supportive, supportive of me and allow more vocal, which I'll always love. And thank my dad for he's one of my biggest motivators and supporters. I was having a conversation with your husband when we were doing cooking tortillas the other day. He always told me, never take care of your pops or your parents for granted.

They're not going to be here forever. They're always they're always going to know more than you. And as much as you you think you know, about the world, they've experienced twice as much, three times as much.

I can't speak on everybody, I can't sit here and say that everybody has a perfect family because I know, there's some people who don't have a perfect family, there's some people who have to deal with abuse or, or drugs or any kind of type of crime in that area. And it really sucks but ever since then, you know, I always like to take care of my dad as much as I can do what I can do, and be able I never want to be able maybe once they do leave this earth and I never want to sit there and think about I could have done more. You know, I could have been there for more I could have done this differently. So that's why every single day from now on fourth, I take every day for granted like I am very grateful for every day. And I thank God and I think everybody who has made my life possible especially my parents because they both have worked very hard and I know I've barely mentioned my mom throughout this and all my mom's a whole nother story. She's an even even bigger supporter now. And she's the main reason I'm even here today. The main reason I even know the people that I know and love today and My mom, oh, I can just keep going on. So towards the beginning. I was, once I was in high school, Corona hit, I was doing online school and I was not a big fan online school at all. I hated waking up in the morning, and I would see my grades start to slip and fall. And I would just kind of fall into this bad habit, this bad routine of never getting my work done. And not really caring not hopping on does not doing any of that. And over time, you know, my grades dropped. And eventually I had I did have to drop out of high school, which is probably one of my biggest regrets up until now. And when I did, I could just see the disappointment in my mom and my dad's face. And I was like, oh, man, as this is not what I want at all. But I just felt like I didn't have a choice. I didn't have a say in what I wanted. And once I went through that, I would just say, I would honestly say yeah, for like the past few weeks after that. I just was depressed. I didn't leave my room. I didn't talk to anybody. I would see my parents come home from work and they want to talk to me, it was just such a bad headspace I was in and it was a very bad time in my life. One day, my mom came in my room and she said, You know what, if you're not going to school, if you don't want to do any of that, that's fine. But you at least need to get a job. And I was like, Amen. All right, I'll try but I don't know. So I applied to every single job I could I went on and did I apply to as many jobs as I could find. And I never heard anything back from any of them, except for Chick fil A. I went into the interview and went in and it was really nerve wracking. And I just went in there. I was super nervous. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to expect.

I got the job. And I was just I felt so out of place. And like, I just felt like I didn't belong. And I remember on my first day, I came in there and I was just nervous. I didn't know what to do. And they told me to just sit, sit down and have a little drink or just have some some time to chill before my manager came in and told me what to do. The whole process when once I did the whole process, once I was going through everything, and I met all these people at Chick fil A, I met all these people who were around the same age as me, they were all talking about school, I get this, I need to get this essay done, oh, I need to study for this test and all this. And when I was just sitting there listening to everything, you know, as it dropped out, I would just sit there and be like, Wow, this is you know, as much as I didn't like school, I'd much rather be doing that than just having to work a nine to five for the rest of my life. And it really gave me a huge reality check on where I was in life. And I made that decision right then and there is you know, I don't want to just get my GED, I want to go back to school and I least want to Greek want to graduate high school, because neither of my brothers did. And I thought that was the path I needed to go on. That was the only path that that was left for me. And there was no other option. And it was just so, you know, discouraging. I was just like, I didn't like the path that I was going on. But it was the only one that I had. So once I made the decision, I told my mom and she told me, you know, that's great. It's like, I could just see her expression on her face. Just her eyes lit up. She's like, okay, you know, this is I'm so happy that you decided to make this change. And I was just like, Yeah, this is you know, I'm really confident and this is something I want to do. And one of the things that my mom told my brothers as my my brothers were one of the main reasons I did it. I mean, I don't blame them at all because it was at the end of day my decision it was me who signed those papers. But the one thing she told my brothers is don't demotivate Cristian about his decision.

Don't tell him anything. Don't talk to him. If you're going to talk to him about you know, high school, I want you to say to him is to support him. I don't want you to say, Oh, you're making a dumb decision. Why don't you just get your Jeep? No, no, if you're gonna say if you're gonna mention High School, it has to be in, like in a supportive way. And that's what my brothers did out there. They were confused at first you're like, Oh, I thought your job and now they want to get your GED. I think it's a waste of time to go to school. But that's what you want to do, then. I mean, I guess Hey, that's what you want to do. And that was the first time ever I would ever hear my brother say something positive about one of my decisions. Because ever since I grew up, and like I said earlier, I mentioned earlier that I was I would always look up to my older brothers for guidance. And every like I don't want to say every single time but a majority of the time they would bash me they would I would make the smallest mistake or I'd make some type of mistake and they would bash me just call me an idiot call me this and that and it made me think less of myself and made me not want to try anything new that made me not want to like if things didn't go exactly the way that I wanted them to.

Then I would just give up and I don't want to put all the blame on them but I'm not gonna sit here and be like, oh, you know, this was all my AMI and it was my own but they definitely did influence me. So hearing that they were like supportive about going back to high school really made me even more confident that that's what I wanted to do.

So once I was dead set on it, my mom caught it to the high school and we went through the whole process, and I was fine in the back in high school, not to mention when you're a dropout, and you're and you tell people that and so when I was in Chick fil A, and other kids were in high school, and they were telling me oh, what are you doing? Or what school you're from? I'll tell them, Oh, I don't go to school, my drop out. And they would say, oh, okay, and it would just be so embarrassing to have to have to say that. And so many people would be like, Oh, I'm not I'm not in high school right now. I dropped out. They would look at me like with these eyes. And with this facial expression, like, Oh, you did that? So I went through the whole process. Right?

When going into flow, and when I would tell or describe people what I do, or when they would ask me what what do you do? How's school going or this and that, I would tell them, Oh, I dropped out of high school a while ago, I never really ended up going to high school finishing high school. And they would give me this, these eyes are this this facial expression. And it just felt like pity it felt sad. And why when people when you tell a lot of people that Hey, you dropped out of high school, they just think of us like, an like you're dumber, or you're like, almost less of a person for not doing it. And it was an awful feeling, looking at people looking at me like that. And especially since at the time, this is around the time I met Sarah. And when I was there, everything changed at that point. So when I met Sarah, and I told her about my situation, and everything he were the craziest thing about it was that she didn't judge me she didn't. She didn't see me as less of a person. She knew what I was going through. And she was very understanding to me, which was a huge surprise to me. Because up until then everybody I talked to, which has given me these eyes of pity, they just felt sad, they just they looked at me different. But she never did. And, and at that point, I was like, wow, like, that, like really meant something to me. And it really touched me. So after a while, eventually, we talked some more, and I went over to her house and I met her family and everybody was super nice. And everybody was very understanding and, and it was it was such a nice experience. And when I went back home, I was just I would it just gave me more of a reason to try and better my future because not only do I have my family, but I also have Sarah's family and I want to set the best possible example for the people I surround myself with. So I don't want to just be at home or bomb just not doing anything, I want to be able, I want to be someone that other people look for, for guidance, or, you know, I want to set a good example. And I never want to be that, you know, that guy who you know, never really did anything to deliver had huge potential, but never capitalized on it. And it was. That's that was one of my greatest fears is letting everybody down. And for me, that just wasn't an option. I couldn't let that happen. So it was very much one of my biggest motivators when I went to go back to high school. And I did wanted to high school was extremely rough going back. I mean, I didn't know anything, I felt so out of place, but I knew I had to do it. And I knew how to complete at a stick through and go through. And there'll be times when I just didn't want to go and I didn't want to do this. And I was just, you know, doubting myself again. But then Sarah would tell me, you know, like, you've made it this far, You're doing so good. And I'm so proud of you. And not to mention my family, they were super proud of me. And they were super helpful and super understanding. Like when I told my my dad and my mom that they all found out and they were like, oh my god, like this is such a great thing. Like they were so happy for me. And it's like, it's like that there's a special feeling you get when the people you love and care for the most they look at you and they're just so happy for you. And it's just, it's something that like I wouldn't trade for the world. It's one of those experiences that you just have to experience for yourself. It's indescribable, really. So when I finally did do that it just felt right to do it was just like the right way it felt like this is this is what I want to do. This is something that I need to do and that maybe just maybe for my people, maybe for them, but it was mainly for me to prove to myself that I could do this, because a lot of the time when I want when I thought about doing high school when I thought about maybe I could do maybe I could you know maybe cram a bunch of work in one week and my brothers would kind of say that you don't want to do that you're not going to do that well and and it would just kind of just really get to my head and I'm just like, I don't know if I really could do that.

But obviously I proved them wrong. I finally got my diploma. And I know it was it was such a crazy moment because even though I did what I wanted to do, and I accomplished my goal, I didn't I think of myself and like, of course, I was super happy that, you know, I No, of course, my family was all happy. Everybody was looking at me differently because not to mention, you know, when I told my other family that I was dropping out, like my cousins and my grandma, and my uncles, and all that they were like, all looking at me differently. So when I finally told them that, I'm going back to high school, I graduated from high school. And they all were so happy for me. And it was such a good feeling, especially in the final moments of my high school year.

Because towards the end, even even while I was, while I was super motivated, I was still hanging by a string on whether I would make it was a flip flop decision. And I had one more class to do. And once I finally completed that class, I got an email from my counselor saying, congratulations, Christian, you are set to graduate on the set day. And oh, my God, when I tell you, I was so excited, I was so happy when I finally got that email, I literally took her screenshot of it and sent it to Sarah. And when, when she finally read it, she's like, Oh, my God, I'm so proud of you. And I was like, oh, it just it was, it was a crazy thing.

When I showed my parents, they were like, Oh, my God, and I finally was able to get 10 tickets and invite 10 people that I couldn't, I invited my family and also Sarah. And I remember, they showed me a video, they were all recording. And it was such a weird experience for me, because I never ever thought that that's where I would end up, I always thought I would just kind of end up getting my GED or working a nine to five, maybe going to community college, maybe that wasn't even a possibility for me at the time. So when I walked through those big open doors in the Bob carpenter center, and I just saw all these people just staring at me cheering me on, and I was like, Oh, wow, this is like, this is so weird. And it's just like, made my stomach it made my stomach turn, because I've never been like in that situation, or where everybody just kind of looking at you. And then I would just kind of look around and try to find my family. And I would see them. And once I did, they would like wave their little napkins or whatever they were holding. And they were cheering me on. And I was definitely one of the best feelings of my life. And it was one of the most memorable experiences of my life. And from them that point on, I went to trade school and I finished that I finished trades going, I got my diploma. And then after that I wanted to do college, which is is what I'm going to be doing now in the fall, which I never thought it would ever lead up to this point at all, I never thought that college was even an option for me. So now that I'm now that I finished up what I need to do, and now I'm set to start in the fall semester, it just, it really put me into perspective. And sometimes I just kind of sit back and think about my life like two years ago, and just how so much has changed and how grateful I am. For everyone that has supported me for everyone that has helped me in my time of need. And I just hope that anybody who's going through some similar could get the same amount of support, as I did. And I know not everybody is as fortunate as I am to surround myself with such amazing people. But yeah, I never gave up. I always, you know, told myself that like, when I mean, I did doubt myself, I definitely did doubt myself. And there were times, I really didn't think it was possible. But it was definitely thanks to the people I surround myself with, like my parents and Sarah's parents and Sarah, of course. So I want to give a big shout out to them. They were all very helpful. They're all very nice.

Carrie:

For those of you who don't know, he's mentioning these names. So Sarah is my niece, her parents are my cousins. I know that doesn't make sense, but just flow with that. And Carrie Anne is here too. And they're all listening to us record this podcast, which you know, we put Cristian on the spot here to tell his story.

How much did communication and the art of communication come into play with everything that you have told us about everything about your dad and your mom and and talking to people at Chick fil A and meeting Sarah and communicating with them and the communication back and forth?

How much would you say that that art of communicating with people made a difference in the choices you were making?

I would hear people talk about me talk about oh, you know that guy he dropped out and I know that's that's what you know, I was at that point I that. I wasn't just Christian. I was just that kid who dropped out. Oh, that guy he dropped out. Don't talk to him. He's a weirdo. And now that's a bit of an exaggeration, but it definitely felt like oh, you felt it? Yeah, I felt like I was an outcast. It felt like everybody was looking at me differently. Even people who I like considered my friends they would look at me differently and it was when I when I would hear people talk and I would hear my family talk and I would hear just everybody around me just kind of outing me just kind of thinking less of me. And I was like, wow, this is not a lifelong one.

When I had that talk with my parents, it was probably one of the hardest talks I've ever had in my life. When I had that talk, and I had to sit down with my dad, especially after he just came home from work a long day of work, had to sit down with him and tell him, hey, I want to drop out. And he said, he was just so disappointed, like, they were they like, he didn't even talk. He just, he just looked at me. And I just I could tell this is, you know, it just it was so much pressure, especially since neither of my brothers graduated. And I felt like I had to, at the very least be one, one of the sons to graduate since I have two older brothers, and I love them to death, I really do. And even to this day, like I still take their their thoughts into consideration, and I love them to death and hope as well. But I will say they were a real pain when I was going through this whole process, I wouldn't be the same person I am today without them. And a lot of the qualities that everybody or I would say most people like me are definitely from a brother.

How did your identity change? When you when you did receive that diploma? Well, how did you? Or did it? How did you perceive yourself? How did things change the way you thought about yourself and what was possible for you, when you when they handed you that diploma? How did things change mentally emotionally for you?

When I got my diploma, when I received it in my hand, and I could say I earned this, this is why and I did some on my own. And it definitely made me few school differently. So I've always had a bad experience with school, I never had like a great experience with school, I would always, you know, I would always kind of be the quiet kid just kind of sit in the back. And, you know, people knew me, but they didn't know me if you know what I mean. And there was just kind of like, I was just there. And a lot of the teachers didn't really, you know, weren't really was aware, they wouldn't really influenced me that much, they wouldn't leave that much of an impression. And a lot of the time, they would just kind of give off. And if they were to give off an impression, it was just an impression that they didn't care. And it was just it really did feel like the public education system was against me, like every turn.

Every time I would try to reach out for help, or I would try to do my do my work and kind of if I had any questions, and I would ask them, but it didn't really feel like they were doing what they should be doing, which is you know, helping me learn. And then when we go on the path towards success, and it just kind of felt like I was on my own. So when I did graduate high school, and when I when I finally did get that diploma, it made me be in high school or view school in general, just a little different. It just felt like I was, it was more I was more capable of doing it. And then for sure, once I did my own, I lived a little and kind of just floated around between jobs in school, it did make me have a different viewpoint on scoring it and it definitely is a lot better than it was, you know, two years ago when I just absolutely dreaded school didn't like waking up at six in the morning. But now, if you were to tell me, Hey, you're gonna have to wake up at you know, six in the morning to get to class, I would be like, No, that's fine, I could do that. That's possible for me. Back then it was it was hurting myself to do what I would have to physically force myself to do but now it just seems more of like a more of like a duty, more of like a job for me back then a film was like a chore. And but now feel feels more of like a you know, something that, you know, maybe you might not want to do the most, but it's you can tell that it's gonna be worth it. So it definitely did change. It changed.

When we have someone who is supporting us and we have someone who is cheering us on. What can we expect from Christian in the next let's just say let's just say two years. Let's give it a smaller timeframe. What are some of your goals that you have moving forward now?

Two years from now. I see myself getting my associate's degree in computers. Having a good paying job or a decent paying job, at least around that field. I see myself having a good workout routine and finally having the physique I want and I see myself I want to say I'd still see myself with Sarah and her family. Two years from now I see myself just a more enhanced and more wise version of what I am today.

Tell us your version of your pow pow shoes.

I have to give it to my parents. If it wasn't for them, like, literally, I wouldn't even have met Sarah for my mom. And I definitely wouldn't have pursued any of the things like I wouldn't have the work ethic I do. Now, if it wasn't for my dad going with through his story, which is, you know, it was crazy.

I have to give it to my mom and my dad.They have been such a huge impact on me. It's, it's, it's crazy, really, because I know not everybody has, you know, the type of relationship I do with my parents. And I know not everybody can, you know, even if people want to have that relationship with their parents, some parents or some, just people just can't, and I and I mean, I just, I really do feel for them. I never take a day for granted when I'm with my parents when I'm with my family, because you never know when you're going to be all together again. That's right. So anytime, anytime I'm looking for guidance, or I am at a loss on what to do, or what's the next step. I always go to my parents and I asked them like, what should I do? What do you think about this or any anytime something exciting happens in my family? Hey, I got the job. Hey, I want to go to college. I finished trade school. I always went to them for support for you know, some type of guidance, and they would always support me no matter what. Which is just, it's, you know, it's something that I wouldn't trade for the world. Yeah. You know, I can't tell you enough. How important to good parents can be to a child. Yes. So that's why it's obviously another one of my big reasons, that if if I ever were to have a kid, which I mean, I do plan on having kids that I would want to be like my parents. And the way I they're so supportive. They're like, they're pretty chill too. So like they don't they're, they're not like super strict on me all the time. Unless I'm like really slipping up if I'm really not doing what I'm supposed to be doing that. And that's when they put their hand down and they tell me you need to be doing this. You need to be doing that. And yeah, I think them every day. They do I never taken for granted. They're the best, most wonderful people I will ever ever meet ever. It's It's amazing.

Your journal prompt for today:

What would be your biggest fear in life?

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Speaker 2

33:48

That's that's an that's a great journal prompt. And so when people want to connect with you after hearing this podcast and tell you what they wrote down as their answer to that journal prompt, where can they find you to connect with you?

Cristiannajeracruz@gmail.com