Communication And Integrity
How many times have you heard the phrase - “Do what I say and not what I do.”
Maybe you've said that phrase. Maybe you have had it said to you multiple times. Maybe you've said it to children. Maybe you heard your parents say it. But here's the thing. No matter who you heard it from a parent or employer or a manager or a significant other, a friend, a sibling, no matter how many times you've said that phrase yourself, “do what I say and not what I do.” Whoever said it, whoever you heard it from, they were mistaken in their concept of what leadership and relationship mean, and how trust is earned.
How can you trust and believe in someone whose words do not align with their actions? John Maxwell says, that your most effective message is the one you live. Talk is cheap, saying one thing but doing something totally different, shows others that you're not trustworthy. Once that trust is lost, communication is lost. Once communication breaks down, there is no relationship, there is only entanglement.
Trust is your greatest asset.
It is the number one thing that you have to build your life upon. When you have established this trustworthiness, people believe in your motives. They know you care about them, they know you truly want to help them and that you're willing to do whatever it is you're asking them to do. But without that trust, communication stops, belief ceases to exist, relationships falter, businesses crumble. If your words and actions don't align, your credibility plummets. Here is the truth. If you want people to do what you say, make sure that you're also willing to do what you say, walk in that integrity, make sure you're willing to do what you're asking others to do. Trust is earned, relationships require that trust.
A few weeks ago, we were at an Italian festival. We were there with family, including our 18 month old grandson, Valentino. He saw someone in the crowd walk by with a strawberry ice cream. He wanted so much to have that. As grandmothers do, I went and bought one. I brought it back and I had gotten a couple of spoons with it. Well, Valentino started digging, he's just learning to feed himself. I was teaching him and working with him to get ice cream and strawberries on his spoon and get it to his mouth. My husband was sitting at the table and holding Valentino so that he wouldn't fall off the table. I had the bowl of strawberry shortcake. My husband wanted a bite but you know, Valentino had the spoons, and my husband's hands were busy holding the baby so he wouldn't fall. So without thinking Gabe leaned over and took a bite out of the bowl, no hands required just face in the bowl, took a bite. Valentino looked at him and immediately put the spoons off to the side and face planted into the bowl of strawberry shortcake. At that point, it didn't matter how many times I tried to tell him to use his spoon. He had seen his No No. Put his face down in and eat strawberry shortcake. No spoons and no hands required. And it didn't matter what anybody said at that point. He was going to do what he saw.
So in that moment, I could have said, “Don't do what I do, Do what I say.” But it wouldn't have made a difference. That is the way that life is. If somebody says one thing, but does something else, not only is their credibility lost, but they are setting a clear example of what they truly want, they are setting a clear example of the way things are done because it's what they do. So if you try to tell the people around you, what you want them to do. Then, I want you to walk in truthfulness, I want your work to be as good as it can be. But then they don't follow and give you a great example. Why should you do what they're saying?
Kids learn by example, people learn by example. And if you say you're going to do something, do it. And if you're asking someone to do something else, if you're asking someone to do something, make sure you're willing to do that as well.
I had a gym teacher when I was in school that told us we had to do everything, but she was never actually willing to do the same thing. It wasn't until one day when she actually apologized for that, and started to do these things with us or demonstrate the things that she wanted us to do that we were so much more willing to do it. Because then words and actions were in alignment. We need that integrity. Do be be very careful about doing what you say you will do, and mirroring for others exactly the way that you want them to act.
Take some time to examine areas in your life where words and actions may not be in alignment with each other. Then take the actions needed in order to align them.
What actions will you change this week to make sure that your words and actions are in alignment? That is your journal prompt?
Take that time to examine your life. Where do you need to bring things into alignment? We all do, none of us have this down perfectly. None of us is perfect in every single way. Take the time to make sure that your words and actions are in alignment with each other. Communicate communication and integrity go hand in hand remember, once communication wants to your trust is lost, your communication is lost and without communication. There are no relationships there are only entanglement it's your greatest asset.
