Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life
Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life
What if I told you that you don't actually have a confidence problem?
I know. That sounds impossible.
Especially if you've spent years believing that confidence was the one thing standing between you and the life you really want.
But what if confidence isn't the problem at all?
What if the real problem is something else entirely?
In this week's episode of Coffee & Tea with CarrieVee, I shared a realization that has completely transformed the way I think about confidence, fear, and personal growth:
Most of us don't have a confidence problem. We have a thought management problem.
And once you understand the difference, everything begins to change.
The Traffic Jam Happening Inside Your Head
Think about how much time you spend replaying things.
The conversation you had three days ago.
The text message you haven't even sent yet.
The decision you already made.
The outfit you wore to the meeting.
The comment someone made that you can't stop thinking about.
The mistake you made years ago.
We replay.
We rehearse.
We rewrite.
We second-guess.
And while we're doing all of that thinking, we're not actually living.
We're stuck in what I call a thought traffic jam.
The problem isn't that we're incapable of confidence.
The problem is that we've allowed our thoughts to become so loud that we can no longer hear ourselves.
You Are Not Your Emotions
One of the most important lessons I've learned over the past several years is this:
You are not your emotions.
You experience your emotions.
You feel anxious.
You are not anxiety.
You feel insecure.
You are not insecurity.
You feel overwhelmed.
You are not an overwhelmed person.
This distinction matters because so many of us have built our identities around temporary emotional experiences.
The good news?
If emotional patterns were learned, they can also be unlearned.
The Four-Step Cycle Running Your Life
Most of us move through life following the same cycle:
Trigger → Thought → Emotion → Reaction
Something happens.
Someone says something.
We remember something.
We receive a text.
We don't receive a text.
And almost instantly, our brain creates a thought.
That thought creates an emotion.
That emotion creates our reaction.
The fascinating part is that the trigger isn't where our power lives.
The emotion isn't where our power lives.
Our power exists in the thought itself.
Because just because you feel something doesn't mean you have to follow it.
Read that again.
Just because you feel it doesn't mean you have to obey it.
The Lie We've Been Told About Confidence
Somewhere along the way, we learned that confidence works like this:
Lose the weight.
Get the promotion.
Fix your body.
Find the relationship.
Get your life together.
Then you'll feel confident.
But that's backwards.
Completely backwards.
Confidence isn't something you wait for.
It's something you build.
Real confidence comes from:
Showing up anyway
Keeping your word to yourself
Taking action while you're still nervous
Not after the fear goes away.
While it's still there.
What Cancer Taught Me About Confidence
I've shared before about my cancer journey and the surgeries that changed my life forever.
In 2021, I underwent two major surgeries.
One removed a significant portion of my large intestine.
The other removed my ovaries.
Physically, I survived.
Emotionally, I disappeared.
My body changed in ways I couldn't control.
My hormones changed.
My digestion changed.
My appearance changed.
And somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that because my body had changed, I was somehow less worthy of being seen.
I stopped showing up.
I stopped speaking.
I stopped trusting myself.
I believed that confidence would return once I "fixed" my body.
But confidence never arrived.
Because confidence doesn't come after the hard thing.
Confidence comes from doing the hard thing.
The Moment Everything Changed
The shift happened when I finally decided to show up anyway.
Not because I felt confident.
Because I didn't.
Not because I was comfortable.
Because I wasn't.
I started speaking again.
I started showing up again.
I started keeping promises to myself again.
And something remarkable happened:
No one cared about the things I was obsessing over.
No one judged me.
The only person keeping me hidden was me.
Three Tools to Get Out of Your Head
When you find yourself spiraling, try these three simple steps:
1. Name It
Ask yourself:
What am I actually feeling right now?
Not "I'm fine."
Not "I don't know."
Name it.
Sadness.
Fear.
Disappointment.
Embarrassment.
Anger.
Awareness is the first step out of autopilot.
2. Check the Thought
Ask yourself:
Is this thought helping me or hurting me?
Not whether it's true.
Whether it's useful.
Because many of the thoughts keeping us stuck are not serving us.
3. Choose on Purpose
Ask:
What would the confident version of me do here?
Not the anxious version.
Not the fearful version.
The future version of you who already survived this moment and is looking back on it with compassion and wisdom.
You Don't Need a New Life
This may be the most important thing I say all year:
You don't need a new life.
You need a new way of thinking inside the life you already have.
Most of the time, our circumstances aren't actually the problem.
The problem is the story we're telling ourselves about those circumstances.
And stories can be rewritten.
Three Questions to Ask Yourself Today
Before you move on with your day, sit with these questions:
Where have I been holding myself back?
What thought have I been believing that no longer serves me?
What would change if I stopped agreeing with that thought?
Because confidence isn't about becoming fearless.
It's about becoming faithful.
Faithful to who you are.
Faithful to what you're called to do.
Faithful to showing up, even when it's hard.
Your thoughts are not facts.
Your feelings are not your boss.
And your past patterns are not your permanent address.
So get out of your head.
And get back into your life.