Midlife (and Beyond!) Confidence
The Freedom No One Told Us About
There is something nobody tells women about getting older.
We're taught to fear it.
We're told to avoid it.
We're sold products, procedures, diets, filters, and endless promises designed to help us pretend it isn't happening.
But what if aging isn't something to fear?
What if getting older is actually where we finally become free?
In this week's episode of Coffee & Tea with CarrieVee, I opened up about something I've been reflecting on deeply lately: confidence in midlife and beyond.
And the truth is, confidence at 60 looks nothing like confidence at 20.
Thank goodness.
The Confidence We Were Taught to Build
For much of my life, my confidence was built on a very fragile foundation.
It depended on:
Validation
Approval
Appearance
Achievement
Being liked
Keeping the peace
Never upsetting anyone
If I'm being honest, it was exhausting.
Like so many women, I spent decades shape-shifting.
I adjusted my personality depending on who I was around.
I softened my opinions.
I swallowed my needs.
I tried to become acceptable.
I tried to become enough.
And I know now that many women spend years—sometimes decades—doing the exact same thing.
The Freedom That Comes With Midlife
Something shifts as we get older.
For many women, that shift happens during the long journey through perimenopause, menopause, and post-menopause.
We don't ask for that journey.
We don't volunteer for it.
But we all carry a ticket to that experience.
And somewhere in the middle of all those physical, emotional, hormonal, and life transitions, something remarkable often happens:
We stop performing.
We stop trying so hard to be who everyone else wants us to be.
We begin to realize that we've spent far too much of our lives making ourselves smaller so that everyone around us could feel comfortable.
And suddenly, we don't want to do that anymore.
Confidence Begins to Feel Different
The confidence I have today doesn't feel anything like the confidence I thought I had when I was younger.
It isn't loud.
It isn't performative.
It doesn't require validation.
Instead, it sounds more like this:
"I know who I am."
That's it.
I don't need everyone to agree with me.
I don't need everyone to approve of me.
I don't need everyone to understand me.
I know who I am.
And that changes everything.
Grief Has a Way of Clarifying Things
There are certain experiences in life that permanently change your perspective.
For me, those experiences included losing my brother, my grandmother, my favorite aunt, my mother, and my father.
There is a particular kind of grief that comes with losing the people who shaped your world.
And grief has a way of stripping away the unnecessary.
It forces you to confront a truth we often avoid:
Life does not last forever.
Once I truly understood that, I stopped wanting to spend my remaining years trying to make everyone else comfortable while abandoning myself.
We Need to Stop Teaching Women to Shrink
I coach many younger women, and one of the greatest privileges of this season of my life is helping them discover now what many of us didn't learn until much later.
You do not have to wait until you're 50 or 60 to stop apologizing for existing.
You do not have to wait until menopause to stop shape-shifting.
You do not have to wait until you've experienced profound loss to begin living authentically.
You can begin now.
You can stop performing now.
You can stop abandoning yourself now.
Because confidence isn't something that magically appears with age.
It's something we finally give ourselves permission to experience.
Social Media Has Made Aging Weird
Let's be honest.
Social media has created impossible standards for women.
Filters erase decades.
Apps reshape bodies.
Algorithms reward perfection.
And somewhere along the way, we've been taught that every wrinkle, every gray hair, every change in our body is a problem that needs fixing.
But here's what I've learned:
I have earned every wrinkle on my face.
I've earned every scar.
I've earned every lesson.
I've earned every gray hair.
And I no longer want to erase the evidence of a life I've actually lived.
My Body Is Not My Enemy
This body has carried me through cancer surgeries.
It has carried me through grief.
It has carried me through motherhood, marriage, loss, illness, healing, and joy.
My arms still hold my grandchildren.
My legs still carry me on walks with my husband.
My body still serves me every single day.
Why would I spend my remaining years criticizing the very thing that has fought so hard to keep me alive?
Instead, I've decided to partner with my body.
To care for it.
To strengthen it.
To nourish it.
And to thank it.
Confidence Isn't About Attention
One of the greatest revelations of getting older is realizing that confidence isn't about attracting attention.
It's about experiencing freedom.
Freedom to stop apologizing.
Freedom to stop shrinking.
Freedom to stop explaining yourself.
Freedom to stop asking permission to exist.
Freedom to become the fullest, truest, most authentic version of yourself.
The Question I'm Asking Myself Now
As I move through this season of life, I keep returning to one question:
Who am I becoming now that I no longer need outside approval?
Maybe that's the question all of us need to ask.
Because perhaps aging doesn't make us smaller.
Perhaps it simply makes us clearer.
And maybe the most beautiful confidence we'll ever experience isn't found in becoming younger.
It's found in finally becoming ourselves.