It Is What It Is

It is what it is. I'm going to be honest, this is a phrase that has started to just, I just it's just no, just stop. But I also know not everybody feels that way. So I took some time to poll my audience and to ask them what does this phrase mean to you? And then I asked, okay, go deeper. Tell me why it's a negative to you tell me why it's a positive to you. I had so many answers to that one question. What does the phrase it is what it is mean to you. For some of you it meant subjectivity. For some of you, it meant not spending time changing things that you can't change. And for others of you it rang negative to you as it does to me. So I started to do a little bit more research with you. I asked I reached out to many of you and said okay, tell me why you feel that way. What is it about the phrase that either is a positive to you, or either makes it a negative to you? Let's dig deeper into this and I loved hearing all of the different viewpoints. Now I'm going to read from dictionary.com dictionary.com It is what it is and what does it mean and this is what dictionary.com slang slang dictionary says deal with it. It is what it is is an expression used to characterize a frustrating or challenging situation that a person believes cannot be changed and must just be accepted. It is what it is. Where does it come from? Again according to dictionary.com According to the New York Times the phrase it is what it is appeared as early as a 1949 article by Jay Lawrence in the Nebraska State Journal. Lauren she was the phrase when describing the difficult difficulty faced during frontier era life in Nebraska. And in quotes, this is what he said. New land is harsh and vigorous and sturdy. It's scorns evidence of weakness, there is nothing of Sham or hypocrisy in it. It is what it is without apology. And then that phrase it is what it is picked up steam in the 21st century. The phrase became popular in sports about losses. But I want to talk about this phrase it is what it is. What does it mean to you has it changed people?

The Ronda wrote in 2019 It is what it is hate the term and I'm beginning to hate anyone who says it hashtag girl.

It has become a phrase that people use all the time. It is what it is. And I really wanted to dig into what the phrase is and is it toxic?

Many people, many people express that the phrase it is what it is is not a harmless expression. And instead of it reflects an outlook of not caring, or failing to seek to change a negative, negative situation or negative circumstances.

So if someone uses the phrase as a way of life that could pose a challenge to achieving one's potential, then it becomes is a toxic toxic phrase.

So it's not, it's important to not let a simple saying of acceptance become a model that would limit you from becoming successful.

Instead think of this phrase as being used to indicate some kind of acceptance, so that you can move on to better things rather than Excuse an excuse to give up. So a lot of people, and this is what a lot of you told me, when I think of the phrase, it is what it is, it means that I have accepted what I can't change, and I'm moving on.

But what I have observed in my life a lot in hearing this phrase, his acceptance of not changing,

using the phrase in such a way that Yeah, well, you know what it is what it is, and I'm not, I'm just not going to try to find a solution anymore. To me the phrase it is what it is lets you off the hook, you're letting yourself off the hook from finding a way to change a situation or to change your reaction to the situation.

I understand that there are many situations that you can't change, that I can't change, there are things in my life that I can't change, I can't change that my brother died of cancer at 48 years old, 12 years ago, I can't change that I lost my dad, I can't change that my mother died 19 days after a cancer diagnosis this year, I can't change that I was diagnosed with cancer, that I had a colon resection, that I have a genetic mutation, I can't change any of that. Those things truly are, what they are.

It is what it is, I was diagnosed with cancer and Lynch syndrome, it is what it is, I accept that the that that is my reality.

But the phrase it is what it is, becomes acceptance, and an in inability, and an unwillingness to find a solution. And to change my Outlook.

So instead of saying it is what it is, I have learned to say it is what I make of it. It is what I make of it.

I don't like any of those things I just mentioned. If I could undo those things, if I had a way of not losing my brother to cancer, if I had a way of not losing my mom to cancer, or my dad to heart disease of not having my own cancer, or Lynch syndrome, yeah, I'd change it. But those things are, those things are, it is my reality, and you have things in your life that simply are your reality. But it doesn't mean it doesn't mean accepting in a toxic way. It is what it is. That means sitting back and sitting in what happens and not trying to change a way that you get through it. It is what it is, to me this is my opinion. And I realize that many of you disagree with me. When I pulled you, it was pretty much split down the middle between was it a positive phrase or a negative phrase?

People view it very differently. My opinion, if I say it is what it is, it allows me to stay stuck. It allows me to accept a negative situation as the end.

And I'm not willing to do that.

If I instead say it is what I make of it, then I get to make choices how I'm going to move forward? How am I going to react to my cancer diagnosis? How am I going to react to holding my mom as she died this past May? How am I going to react to the fact that my brother died at 48 years old, from the same cancer that took my mom and that I was diagnosed with and that my mom's sister and aunt died from

you see if I accepted it is what it is I would not have gone on for genetic testing. And without that I would never have found out that we carry this gene mutation. And now that I know this, I have the power to reach out and help my family understand what it takes to take care of ourselves even more because we have to we need to be screened. Those of us who have this now I know I have this power. I know that I need to be screened for colon cancer and breast cancer and brain cancer and all these other cancers regularly. Now I know.

But if I had just stopped with it is what it is with my cancer diagnosis and didn't look for other ways to find solutions of how to move forward and wouldn't have ended up being genetic genetically tested. I wouldn't have known I had this gene mutation and then I couldn't have let my family know that we carry this

To me as a stop sign, it is what it is says that's it, and I'm not even going to try. That's what that phrase connotates to me.

What I would like us to change it to is to accept what we can't change, and move on.

Give me the power to accept what I can't change, and change what I can.

It is what it is, puts a stop sign out. I really believe that that phrase is like someone. It's like, okay, so this morning, I'll give you an example. Like a visual. This is what it is what it is to me. I was on a treadmill this morning, not my own. And I was booking along at four. And I realized for some of you, that's not very fast for me. That is really, I'm booking and I was running because I am currently training to run a 5k in February with my cousin in Las Vegas, I have done lots of five K's but I have power walk them, I'm I'm going to jog this one, I am going to keep up a steady jog. And so I'm training for that. And I'd gotten myself up to four, and I was going along and the treadmill broke the engine or the motor went in an engine, the motor went in it. And it just stopped at full speed. It just stopped. And it was it was I was immediate. I was stunned, like oh my gosh, my treadmill at least slows me down before it stops. But it stopped on a dime, boom, it was done and wasn't moving any more.

To me, that's what it is what it is does to us. When we say that it puts a stop sign up in our brain and everything stops. And we stopped looking for solutions. And we stopped looking for how to handle the situation and we stopped looking for how to deal with it.

We stopped looking for how to stay positive in a negative situation. It's a stop sign it is what it is. And we're done. What if we said it is what I make of it?

What if we started saying it is what I make of it.

Because to me, that becomes the yellow light, we're going to pause, we're going to pause

and we're going to figure things out. And then we're going to find a green light and we're going to move forward.

It is what I make of it gives me moment to pause and look at my alternatives.

But it is what it is stops me stops me from looking. To me, it's it's a very negative phrase that that means I don't even have to look for a way out of this. I don't even have to care. It just is what it is. And I don't care.

That's what that phrase means to me.

If that's what it means to you, I beg of you to change the way that you look at things to it is what I make of it.

Who is it right? That said life is 20% What happens to us an 80% How we deal with it. I think those stats, I think that those percentages are off, I think it's more of 5% What happens to us and 95% how we deal with it. How we approach life makes all the difference in the world. In the world. How is it that some people with so much adversity, create so much positive change in the world, while other people with not even much adversity, never move past the hurt, the pain, the tragedy, the trauma,

it's all in the way we look at it. It's all in our outlook. It is what we make of it.

It is what we make of it. It is how we respond to it. It is how we decide to live.

Despite what has happened in our lives.

It is how we view it.

If things are happening for us, then we're finding solutions. And we're not giving into it is what it is. I am all for accepting things that happen that we can't change.

But I am not at all for staying stuck in those things.

Take the pause, journal call for a walk. Think about ways that you can find solutions. How can you use this tragedy? Feel all your feelings I'm not saying not to cry? Sometimes not even to be angry.

Believe me I was angry when my brother died when my dad died when my mom died when she was diagnosed with this cancer. i There were so many people I wanted to be angry at including myself.

I felt those emotions

And then I gave myself pause.

And I determined how I could respond to those situations.

And staying stuck and angry and bitter, just didn't seem and feel like good options.

You have the power to make your own choices, how you're going to respond.

It is what it is, or it is what you make of it. It is your choice.

Life is short. Choose wisely.

What does that mean to you? What are those wise choices? That is your journal prompt today?

In the phrase, life is short, choose wisely. What does it mean to you in your life to choose wisely?